her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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