i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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