At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
