Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
