She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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