Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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