Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Randomize
