i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
