everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
