I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
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