i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
