I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Randomize
