I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize