I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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