I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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