On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Randomize
