do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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