Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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