My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
