nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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