So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
