It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
