ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
