Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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