I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
