Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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