I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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