wrigley field is MILF paradise
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
