we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I love having hate sex.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
