Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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