one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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