Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
