We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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