There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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