Midget sex pt 2 tonight
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
