It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
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