Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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