if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
