i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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