I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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