I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
