evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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