As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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