I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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