I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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