life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
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