so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Randomize
