God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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