Whod you bang
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
