He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
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